I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
