Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
