There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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