If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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