8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
