My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
