I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
