Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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