I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
