i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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