he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
