My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
