not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
