from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
