Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
