Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
