I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
