Yo dont text me then not text me
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
