I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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