I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
