i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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