yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
