BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just want nice things and good sex
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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