dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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