I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
