I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
