I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
