why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
