are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
