We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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