I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
