I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
