im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think my moral compass just broke
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
