yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
