I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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