Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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