You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
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