eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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