the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
