she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
