in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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