Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
