Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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