Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
