I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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