It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Pants are for mortals
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
