i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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