I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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