Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
