I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize