Apparently you make a good broom.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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