so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
