Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Boobs are out for the taking
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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