What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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