So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
