I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize