Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
