Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
