I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize