Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
