it was like his penis was on wheels.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize