Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
