Dude my mom stole all your condoms
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize