Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
