I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
