I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize