how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
