all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
