lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I supernannyed him into submission
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
