Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
