I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My ass is underappreciated
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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