I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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