Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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