Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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