Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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