Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
