Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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