i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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