You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
