i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
