Fine. I'll sleep in my office
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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