I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
