She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
