Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
