the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize