from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
