You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
