So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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