Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
