PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize