Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
