I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
