Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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