That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
