Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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