The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
