I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Pants are for mortals
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
