I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
