Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
