Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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