I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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