i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
