i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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