Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
