Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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